To Be or Not - Husband of A Celebrity
The first woman to enter the IPS which was
otherwise a male domain; winner of the prestigious Magasaysay Award for
humanely administering Tihar, the largest jail of Asia, Kiran Bedi has slipped
miserably on the domestic front. Having a devoted husband and a lovely daughter
this terrific police officer hasn’t been able to maintain an equilibrium
between marital and parental families. Well known for inviting controversies
Kiran Bedi was in news when she left Mizoram overnight. She also declined
posting in Jammu & Kashmir. What however haven't been printed' are the
controversies in her personal life which too have surrounded her.
DR. UMA
ARARA speaks to Brij Bedi, her estranged husband, who lives in Amritsar, to
unveil lesser known Kiran.
This lonely
man loves to photograph beautiful women. That's not all. His lens
catches
the mess in and around the city and with the product he continuously pesters
the civic authorities who according to him are deaf, dumb and blind. His
passion for Amritsar, the city in which he has been living since past several
decades, comes out strongly the moment one mentions word 'filth'. This
philanthropist handsome middle-aged man with a grey crown and Clark Gable
moustache the unassuming and low profile husband of a celebrity. Yes we
are
talking -
to Brij Bedi,
one wheel of the straddled marriage;
the
other being first
Woman IPS officer
Mrs.Kiran Bedi.
Q. How did you
meet Kiranji?
A. It was in
1971. Basically we are from Dera 'Baba Nanak, Batala and descendants of Guru Nanak. When I was in Khalsa College, Amritsar, I met a friend who taught me
photography and lawn tennis. The game interested me so much that even on the
examination day I was playing tennis and naturally failed. In 1971 Kiran had
returned from Chandigarh after completion of her M.
A. She was a
very good tennis player, in fact her father was very keen to make her an
outstanding tennis player and she went on to become the Asian Champion. We
met in the club, played tennis together and became good friends.
Q. So it
was romance on the tennis court?
A. That
happened later. At that time I was engaged with a girl from Delhi. Being an idealist
l wanted just a simple marriage but the girl';s parents refused. So we broke
the engagement. Meanwhile I had begun to like Kiran for her intelligence and
quick wit. She had told me that if this engagement did not work she would marry
me as she wanted to have a husband with similar ideals.
Q. Was it a
contractual marriage then?
A. Yes and no.
We had ten years difference in our age but our thinking level was the same. lf
I had my ideals she had her own conditions. Although she had taken
up a job in Khalsa college it was decided that she would become- an l.A.S.
officer failing which she would go to Canada for her Ph.D. She was so
intelligent I did not think of stopping her or controlling her just because she
was to be my wife. lf she had the ability and the will power to
pursue the goals why'; should I or anyone stop her. lnstead I agreed
with her and encouraged her. We were madly in love at that time and such things
seemed very superficial.
Q. You became
a visiting husband. How did it affect your lndian male ego?
A. Right from
the beginning we knew that our marriage is going to be
a unique in its own way.
We were not going to be ordinary husband and wife where the woman wastes her
talent and intelligence knitting and washing at home. l would never have
married such a home bound person. Since it was already decided in our case that
she would be posted outside l was mentally prepared to be a visiting husband
Besides where there is love there is no ego. I used to cook and eyen polish
her shoes.Sometimes when she would be tired I pressed her legs also. I
never felt anything wrong in that.
Q. That must
have been during the 'first few years of the marriage. When did the problems
really start?
A. The
problems were there side by side but like all newly weds we ignored them. After
two months of marriage she got the call for training. lt was really great in
those days. We used to write five letters everyday with numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
marked on them. Even the postman was bewildered. Every day she used to call me
over the phone too. It was really romantic. One day when she rang up she was
very up set as her name had not appeared in the first list of lAS. I had
induced her to take on a challenge and accept the strenuous IPS training. Her
parents resisted as there were ';no women r officers in the lndian police force
then. Despite this I managed to convince her and she took up the challenge.
After the training she was posted at Delhi and I used to visit her on the
weekends. Her parents had already shifted to Delhi with her and then her
sisters also joined and completed the family coterie around her. ln a two room
house it used to become really overcrowded and I felt highly suffocated,
Gradually I began to feel very uncomfortable there as her parents would
interfere in our personal relationship and we began to drift apart.
Q. How were
the 'things when your daughter was born?
A. It was a
planned child and we were both blissful. Till that time Kiran was totally
involved with me and my family. Brij with his daughter Her parents
could not cope with that and tried their best by fair or foul means to win her
devotion in which they succeeded, I also felt that being a daughter she does
have her obligation towards them and never tried to obstruct her relationship
with them. But she could not balance her affection for both families and in her
heart her parents became everything so much so that the requirements of her
husband and daughter became secondary and gradually we became obsolete for her-
She is not a successful wife although a very successful and devoted daughter.
Q. Sukriti,
Your daughter stays with her mother then how often do you meet her?
A. I go to
visit her now. That is the biggest tragedy of our marriage. She
neither got love of her mother nor affection of a father. Kiran was naturally
very busy and could spare only a few hurried moments from her busy schedule. I
used to go on weekends which was fine but since past eight years I have stopped
going to Delhi and the girl is really deprived of parental care. She does come
over to Amritsar as and when she can. Her maternal grandparents are there but
she resists them like anything. She is the real sufferer; Now she herself is an
adult and understands the situation but has not been able to fully cope up. She
does not feel comfortable in that house but has to stay there since she is
trying for her MBBS degree. There are things in life over which no one has any
control. The destiny plays an important role. People are not surprised at Kiran
Bedi becoming an IPS officer but her having been married is considered strange.
Q. Maybe
because of this sourness there have been rumours about a divorce?
A. They
(Kiran's parents) wanted a divorce. Even Kiran mentioned it once but I refused
saying our achievement is mine". She was my dream. There was a time when
she had called me 'her god'; in one such interviews. But then things became
really bad between us, For our daughter's sake I never thought of a divorce. My
'parents too used to insist sometimes but I did not want to get married again.
Q. What about
her achievements? Did you ever envy that?
A. Never. Her
achievements were mine. She did her duty well and was appreciated
that
more than doing things about prisoners, the criminals the need is to do
something about the society outside. About the poor, the rotting, the
illiterates. It is time she should quit and involve in the larger canvas. Being
a very simple person bereft of inhibitions she can, easily do it. That is what
I personally feel
Q. What about
your parents? Usually the problems start because of that.
A. (laughs).
ln our case it was the other way round. Her own parents had such a hold over
her that she could not break away from them. Kiran was very close to my mother
and accepted many times that she got so many things because of her blessings.
When she came for my mother's funeral on her returning to Delhi she got the
news about the Magasaysay award. My mother was a very broadminded person, She
accepted our relationship, but the deterioration in it became unbearable for
her. She worried what would happen to me after her death.
Q. ln
retrospect what would you like to change and at which moment in your life?
A. I have come
to believe in destiny. It had to happen in my life. I was very bitter about the
failure of our marriage till a year and half ago but today I have managed to
control my emotions and have channelised them properly. I try my best to help
people and have made it a mission to pester authorities about their negligence
although I still miss having a proper family life especially at times when I am
unwell. I no more cry about it. This is all destiny. No one can change
anything.
"May all be happy, May all be free from diseases, May all attain
benediction and May no one suffer in the least."
Regular communication leads to good understanding ;
DR. UMA
ARARA speaks to Brij Bedi, her estranged husband, who lives in Amritsar, to
unveil lesser known Kiran.
This lonely
man loves to photograph beautiful women. That's not all. His lens
catches
the mess in and around the city and with the product he continuously pesters
the civic authorities who according to him are deaf, dumb and blind. His
passion for Amritsar, the city in which he has been living since past several
decades, comes out strongly the moment one mentions word 'filth'. This
philanthropist handsome middle-aged man with a grey crown and Clark Gable
moustache the unassuming and low profile husband of a celebrity. Yes we
are
talking -
to Brij Bedi,
one wheel of the straddled marriage;
the
other being first
Woman IPS officer
Mrs.Kiran Bedi.
Q. How did you
meet Kiranji?
A. It was in
1971. Basically we are from Dera 'Baba Nanak, Batala and descendants of Guru Nanak. When I was in Khalsa College, Amritsar, I met a friend who taught me
photography and lawn tennis. The game interested me so much that even on the
examination day I was playing tennis and naturally failed. In 1971 Kiran had
returned from Chandigarh after completion of her M.
A. She was a
very good tennis player, in fact her father was very keen to make her an
outstanding tennis player and she went on to become the Asian Champion. We
met in the club, played tennis together and became good friends.
Q. So it
was romance on the tennis court?
A. That
happened later. At that time I was engaged with a girl from Delhi. Being an idealist
l wanted just a simple marriage but the girl';s parents refused. So we broke
the engagement. Meanwhile I had begun to like Kiran for her intelligence and
quick wit. She had told me that if this engagement did not work she would marry
me as she wanted to have a husband with similar ideals.
Q. Was it a
contractual marriage then?
A. Yes and no.
We had ten years difference in our age but our thinking level was the same. lf
I had my ideals she had her own conditions. Although she had taken
up a job in Khalsa college it was decided that she would become- an l.A.S.
officer failing which she would go to Canada for her Ph.D. She was so
intelligent I did not think of stopping her or controlling her just because she
was to be my wife. lf she had the ability and the will power to
pursue the goals why'; should I or anyone stop her. lnstead I agreed
with her and encouraged her. We were madly in love at that time and such things
seemed very superficial.
Q. You became
a visiting husband. How did it affect your lndian male ego?
A. Right from
the beginning we knew that our marriage is going to be
Q. That must
have been during the 'first few years of the marriage. When did the problems
really start?
A. The
problems were there side by side but like all newly weds we ignored them. After
two months of marriage she got the call for training. lt was really great in
those days. We used to write five letters everyday with numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
marked on them. Even the postman was bewildered. Every day she used to call me
over the phone too. It was really romantic. One day when she rang up she was
very up set as her name had not appeared in the first list of lAS. I had
induced her to take on a challenge and accept the strenuous IPS training. Her
parents resisted as there were ';no women r officers in the lndian police force
then. Despite this I managed to convince her and she took up the challenge.
After the training she was posted at Delhi and I used to visit her on the
weekends. Her parents had already shifted to Delhi with her and then her
sisters also joined and completed the family coterie around her. ln a two room
house it used to become really overcrowded and I felt highly suffocated,
Gradually I began to feel very uncomfortable there as her parents would
interfere in our personal relationship and we began to drift apart.
Q. How were
the 'things when your daughter was born?
A. It was a
planned child and we were both blissful. Till that time Kiran was totally
involved with me and my family. Brij with his daughter Her parents
could not cope with that and tried their best by fair or foul means to win her
devotion in which they succeeded, I also felt that being a daughter she does
have her obligation towards them and never tried to obstruct her relationship
with them. But she could not balance her affection for both families and in her
heart her parents became everything so much so that the requirements of her
husband and daughter became secondary and gradually we became obsolete for her-
She is not a successful wife although a very successful and devoted daughter.
Q. Sukriti,
Your daughter stays with her mother then how often do you meet her?
A. I go to
visit her now. That is the biggest tragedy of our marriage. She
neither got love of her mother nor affection of a father. Kiran was naturally
very busy and could spare only a few hurried moments from her busy schedule. I
used to go on weekends which was fine but since past eight years I have stopped
going to Delhi and the girl is really deprived of parental care. She does come
over to Amritsar as and when she can. Her maternal grandparents are there but
she resists them like anything. She is the real sufferer; Now she herself is an
adult and understands the situation but has not been able to fully cope up. She
does not feel comfortable in that house but has to stay there since she is
trying for her MBBS degree. There are things in life over which no one has any
control. The destiny plays an important role. People are not surprised at Kiran
Bedi becoming an IPS officer but her having been married is considered strange.
Q. Maybe
because of this sourness there have been rumours about a divorce?
A. They
(Kiran's parents) wanted a divorce. Even Kiran mentioned it once but I refused
saying our achievement is mine". She was my dream. There was a time when
she had called me 'her god'; in one such interviews. But then things became
really bad between us, For our daughter's sake I never thought of a divorce. My
'parents too used to insist sometimes but I did not want to get married again.
Q. What about
her achievements? Did you ever envy that?
A. Never. Her
achievements were mine. She did her duty well and was appreciated
Q. What about
your parents? Usually the problems start because of that.
A. (laughs).
ln our case it was the other way round. Her own parents had such a hold over
her that she could not break away from them. Kiran was very close to my mother
and accepted many times that she got so many things because of her blessings.
When she came for my mother's funeral on her returning to Delhi she got the
news about the Magasaysay award. My mother was a very broadminded person, She
accepted our relationship, but the deterioration in it became unbearable for
her. She worried what would happen to me after her death.
Q. ln
retrospect what would you like to change and at which moment in your life?
A. I have come
to believe in destiny. It had to happen in my life. I was very bitter about the
failure of our marriage till a year and half ago but today I have managed to
control my emotions and have channelised them properly. I try my best to help
people and have made it a mission to pester authorities about their negligence
although I still miss having a proper family life especially at times when I am
unwell. I no more cry about it. This is all destiny. No one can change
anything.
"May all be happy, May all be free from diseases, May all attain
benediction and May no one suffer in the least."
Regular communication leads to good understanding ;
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